by Tom Bastek
Last updated: 6:00 AM ET, Sat May 24, 2014

Photo Courtesy of Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority.

I get this a lot: "You worked in Vegas? I have my first trip coming up. What should I know?"

So here we go: My rules for the Vegas Virgin:

1. Never go by yourself. This is the MOST important rule. You need a wingman / gal pal. Better yet, a ying to your yang. If you are a party animal, you need to bring someone who can be your off-switch. If you are a stick in the mud, you need to bring someone to loosen you up. This rule will make all the difference between you having a great time or vowing to never go back. Or if you are the party animal, this rule will keep you out of jail, rehab, or even worse.

2. Don't spend more than four days there. Las Vegas takes its toll on everyone. After day one, you are settled in. After day two you are seeing everything there is to see. After day three you are hung over, and after day four, you're broke. Even if you are a big winner (nb: if you break even, you are a BIG winner), now is the time to pack it up and take it home. No one wants to outstay their welcome. Leave something to do the next time.

3. Gamble to have fun. If you are socking away money for a year to come to Vegas to hit it big, you are going to lose and lose fast. Bring only what you want to lose. Chalk it up to the fun that you are having in the casino and your losses are what it cost you to have that fun.

4. Don't gamble to get free booze. See How to Drink in Vegas Without Losing Your Shirt.

5. Always get a Players Card. This will track your play and more importantly, should you play to the establishment's liking, could garner you some comps. If nothing else, it will put you on their mailing list for marketing materials. This is how you get good deals in Vegas.

6. Drink water. Then drink some more. It can get as high as 125�� on the strip during the day. That means that even at night it doesn't cool down all that much with all of that pavement out there. It also means that you aren't going to sweat; it evaporates right off of you. You will never know how dehydrated you are. Between the booze, the bottled air in the casinos and the weather, start drinking water now. You may be hydrated enough by the time you get there.

7. If it's too good to be true, it is. The incredibly pretty girl sitting next to you is interested in one thing: your money. More than likely, she even has a friend helping her out and this is NOT your lucky night. $100 in free play? Yes, but it's good on only one machine and you can't cash it out till you have gambled it all away. $1 hotdogs? Yes, but you won't go to the bathroom the same way for the rest of your stay.

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8. Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas. I will leave the secrets behind the "Girls Direct to You" mobile billboards and card flickers on the street for another article, but suffice it to say this is big no-no. Prostitution is legal about 70 miles east of Las Vegas in Pahrump. And no one wants to go to Pahrump. Trust me. If someone tells you it's legal in Vegas, see Rule 7.

9. Everyone is working an angle. EVERYONE. They don't call it Sin City for nothing. The cabbie that can get you whatever you need. The guy who knows how to beat the house at the Freemont. Whatever it is, re-read Rule 7.

10. Don't give money to the (fake) homeless. I lived in Las Vegas for three years and heard no less than a hundred stories about how these "homeless" people are making better money pretending to be homeless than working at the casinos. Steer Clear. See Rule 9.

11. You don't have to take a cab / limo everywhere. There are plenty of options including taking the monorails along the back of the casinos, renting a scooter, or even walking (my personal favorite. I go casino to casino and have a drink in each one.) Just remember Rule 6.

12. Be nice. This should probably be Rule 1. You will catch a bunch more flies with honey, yada-yada. The truth is that Las Vegas deals with millions of guests a year. Which means that the guy or gal at the front desk, in the cab, at the black jack table, or in the restaurant deals with hundreds of you a day. This means three things: First, be extra nice so that they remember you. Second, they probably have a really good idea of how to do their job, and they can do it to your benefit or your demise. Third, you are probably not the first person to have this problem, and they probably have a solution for you. Don't yell at the person about the problem, thank them for the solution.

13. Tip. This goes hand in hand with Rule 12. Everyone for the most part can accept a tip in Las Vegas and most roles in the resort are paid with that in mind. There are plenty of places to research appropriate tips for Las Vegas online; I highly recommend you visit one. And for Pete's sake, carry cash. No one should ever go to Vegas without cash. That is the LAMEST excuse not to tip ever. Period.

14. Dress the part. You are going to a show where the ticket price is $120. I don't care that you got it at half price on the strip or for free by sitting through a time share presentation. Stash your shorts and flops away and put on slacks, shoes and a polo. By the way, most clubs are not letting you in looking like a beach bum either.

15. Remember that it's a vacation. I have seen so, so many people walking out of a casino with their head hanging down, beating their head against a wall, etc. This is a vacation. This is supposed to be fun! So you didn't win a million dollars? So you bought that girl three drinks and she left with that hairy guy? So you only paid $29.99 for the buffet? If you are not having fun, stop what you are doing right now, and go get a big, old, frat-boy, yard-o-margarita for $36 and freeze your brain! And then take it for a walk down the strip and look up. Admire the sights, the lights and sometimes the frights! There is only one place you are going to get this. We used to say it all the time: Only in Vegas!

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